im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize