You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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