I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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