I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize