Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
don't judge my taste in strippers
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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