Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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