It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize