I accidentally burped into my bong.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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