i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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