new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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