I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize