her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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