I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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