there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Farmville is her only friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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