M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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