I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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