I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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