so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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