that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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