You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize