He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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