can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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