shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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