Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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