So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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