Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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