Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
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I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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