wat bout pragnant strippers??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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