I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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