You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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