Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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