At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My feet surprised me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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