he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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