Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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