Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
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Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My bed smells like the plague
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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