I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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