I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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