He uses pillows to masturbate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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