So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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