I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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