I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize