I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
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all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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