I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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