The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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