First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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