epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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