I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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