I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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