2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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