today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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