I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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